The Unused Speech

Here is the speech as I had intended to give it. I ended up saying most of the same things but I meandered more than I would have liked. Oh well. Live and learn. Thanks for coming. I hope you are all having a good time. Let’s get down to business – as some of you may already suspect, this is more than just a birthday party. I have asked you here to bear witness to something that I hope will change my life forever. It has been a difficult time for me. Instead of the breakout year I had hoped for I had a stroke that almost killed me . I have nearly recovered but have struggled with my personal and professional life while dealing with occupational therapy, medication and near constant exhaustion. I’m lucky to have gotten away clean but despite my best intentions last year will always be “the year of the stroke”. I have decided to make damned sure that this coming year is known for something of my choosing. One of the things that led to my stroke was a heavy duty addiction to stress. For years my brother has joked that if I snap I won’t climb a tower and start picking off targets. He swears that I will pull on a cape and become a larger than life Villain like those in the comics we used to read. Why wait? I have beaten my stress addiction but I always took perverse pleasure in the idea of striding around in some kind of outlandish getup wringing my hands and laughing maniacally. When I started to think about the prospect more seriously I realized that it isn’t just the costume, it is the entire lifestyle I covet. After consulting with my family, friends and my production company I have decided to spend the coming year learning how to live the life of a Villain. By this time next year I will know what it is like to dress, act and live as a Villain does. I want it all. Gadgets, secret lair, henchmen - the works. I’ll stop at nothing to live the dream. No matter how things turn out, we will film my adventure so if nothing else we get a documentary out of it. This my friends will be the year of the Villain.